(Grace) I’m hungry
(Sebastián) Me to
(G) Should we make something?
(S) No, we shouldn’t make something – you should make something
(G) Because you can’t even boil water without burning your eyebrows?
(S) No, because I have to feed my cat before he freaks out
(G) How long does that take?
(S) Like 30 minutes?
(G) What? Why?
(S) I have to sing Our House but the Sheena Easton version, so using my falsetto, while preparing his meal; and then I have to sit with him while he eats, humming Avett Brothers & Tina Turner songs otherwise he won’t eat anything and then I have to give him ear massages after he’s done eating and sing Tiny Dancer repeatedly until he falls asleep, usually takes about 30 minutes
(G) Ok No, no, no, no, no, no… NO! Not ok, Sebastián, you cannot be that obsequious – especially with your cat.
(S) Why?
(G) Sebastián! He’s a cat – a very handsome, adorable, winsome, spoiled furry little ball of mischief, which is why you are compelled to kowtow to every whim, but no, that’s too much. He can eat without your singing, he just prefers you give him your undivided attention, kind of like me 🙂
(S) What if he doesn’t eat?
(G) Do you really think he’ll just go on a hunger strike until you cave?
(S) Maybe, I mean, I’ve never thought about it
(G) How old was he when you adopted him?
(S) three
(G) Three, and he was alive?
(S) What? Yeah, he was alive
(G) So he must of been eating prior to your kitty boudoir sessions, right?
(S) OK, Grace, it’s not a kitty boudoir and yes, he was eating, but he was on the streets, surviving, there was no one to give him the attention he needed, I could tell he was a sensitive soul when I met him in the park
(G) I’m sure you could, but trust me, he’ll eat whether or not he’s getting the royal treatment
(S) You may be right, but we won’t know today, I’m going to feed him, do you wanna start prepping some veggies for a stir fry? Or just open some wine and wait til I’m done?
(G) I’ll open wine, red or white?
(S) Either’s fine
(G) Have you ever asked Romeo about his life on the streets?
(S)- — —— ummmm, yeaaaaahhhh…
(G) And…
(S) And it was rough, but also exciting
(G) What did he tell you was exciting
(S) He used to go dumpster diving behind a pizza joint and him and his brothers would have to fight off rats the size of chihuahuas to get the best scraps – he doesn’t really look like a bad-ass but he’s got that feral brutality that’s innate in most alley cats
(G) Your grasp of cat has gotten really good, how’s his English coming along?
(S) Really well, he’s a fast learner – last week I was watching a cooking show with a Canadian sushi chef making sushi and ramen and Romeo went right up to the screen and tried to paw the tuna off the table but ignored the salmon.
(G) What does that have to do with his English skills
(S) He was reading the subtitles to figure out which was tuna and which was salmon, that’s how he knew
(G) He was reading subtitles… ummm, ok, 1st, why did you have subtitles on for a cooking show on the Food Network? 2nd, what makes you believe he prefers tuna to salmon? and 3rd, When do you see your therapist next?
(S) I always have subtitles on, it helps me with my Spanish and Romeo is fluent in Spanish; and he likes tuna better, whenever I bring home sushi he’ll eat the tuna but not the salmon – though he does eat the cream cheese from around the salmon on the Philadelphia rolls; and I’m seeing Sean on Thursday, why?
(G) Spanish? You speak Spanish? Since when?
(S) Well, no, I don’t, aside from muchas gracias and por favor, but I’m learning using the subtitles. Like cerveza is beer and tequila is tequila and azul is blue and amarillo is yellow
(G) Wow, I had no idea, that’s pretty incredible, I’ll bet by next year you’ll know more colors and how to say rum, vodka, & whiskey
(S) Yeah, and I’ll learn how to ask questions like How are you, kitty?
(G) Como Estas, gatito?
(S) what?
(G) Como Estas? it means How are you; and gatito is kitty, gato is cat
(S) How do you know that?
(G) I took Spanish all through high school and for three years in college and I worked in a restaurant and 2 of the cooks were from Guatemala, I talked with them a lot when we were slow.
(S) So you’ve been speaking Spanish for like 10 years and you never told me?
(G) You never asked
(S) Have you not noticed my attempts to properly enunciate Spanish words when we’re ordering at Valentina’s Cocina?
(G) Yes, & I’ve never laughed at you, not out loud anyway
(S) never laughed at me? what do you mean? is it that bad?
(G) It’s not good
(S) Fine, I’ll switch to French subtitles, I already know how to count to 10 in French
(G) That probably makes more sense as we may be spending more time in Canada in the coming years
(S) What? Why? Don’t tell me – you’ve been playing hockey since you were 5 and you were on the Juniors National Team for a few years
(G) I started when I was 4, not 5, and was on the Junior Olympics team once – but that’s not why we’d spend time in Canada, though that’s definitely a bonus
(S) So you speak Spanish fluently, you’re like a semi-professional hockey player, and you have perfect teeth – why are you in Wayzata?
(G) I don’t know, I guess I like being close to you
(S) What? Really? Shut-up!
(G) I’m serious, you’re like, my best friend and that’s more important than being somewhere cooler without you
(S) O.M.G. – Grace, like, I know that we’re best friends and that we love each other immensely, & that life is way better when you’re here and not somewhere else but I guess I didn’t think about it like this. I love you for that, for thinking about it in that way, like kind of serious but not all sappy and dumb but like real… and I love you for being you, and I’m going to get a job and move out of my parent’s lake-house and we’re gonna go live somewhere with more whales and dolphins and shaved ice and warm weather
(G) Whoa, slow down, Turbo, I’m all in on the shaved ice and warm weather, and I love whales and dolphins, and you, but you said “more whales and dolphins…”
(S) Well, we don’t have any of those in Lake Minnetonka, at least not that I know of
(G) Yeah no, we definitely don’t have any ocean creatures in the lake. So when do we leave?
(S) I have to sweep out the garage and put some dishes in the dishwasher but then I’ll be ready
(G) So like an hour?
(S)No, probably about 6-8 hours?
(G) What? Why?
(G) Before I sweep out the garage I have to pick up all of the loose hay and bundle it back into a bail so the birds won’t fly off with it and then I have to hand-wash the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher because if you don’t hand-wash them first you’ll probably find bits of food stuck to forks and plates and pickle jars and tuna tins – which need to be soaked in hot water with Dawn dish soap, the tuna tins that is, so the oil dissipates before putting the liquid down the drain and putting the tin in the dishwasher, and then I have to wait for the dishwasher to run through a cycle and shut off so there’s no risk of an electrical fire
(G) OK, I’ll be drinking wine and watching karaoke videos, let me know when you’re ready
